It is one of the most pleasurable sexual practices that exist, but it must be practiced safely. If you are thinking about practicing it, take note of these tips.
We are living in a time of changes and also in sexual matters. What a few years ago was an absolute taboo, is nowadays something normal. Let’s talk, for example, of everything related to anal sex and, in general, of obtaining pleasure by stimulating that part of our body, the male g-spot. For all those who want to expand their repertoire with anal sex, we will tell you all about black kissing or anilingus.
The first question that any sexologist will ask a couple that comes to his office due to any sexual problem will be: are you paying enough attention to foreplay?
Because for years foreplay has been the great forgotten of sexual intercourse, including kissing and the art of kissing, partly because of our education and partly because many people learned about sex by watching porn movies, which are made to titillate, not to teach. We may also have been too focused on how to make a woman orgasm, or on the male pleasure map even on being multi-orgasmic.
But for some time now this has all changed and there is a growing awareness that sexual arousal does not turn on and off like flipping a switch and that some people, especially women, need time to get in tune.
Black kissing or anilingus, what is it?
Black kissing, also called anilingus, consists of using your tongue and mouth to stimulate your partner’s anus. It’s called rimming (or rimming, from “rim,” to rim, to rim) because it focuses on stimulating the edges of the anus. “That doesn’t mean that the rims are the only things that are stimulated,” explains Dr. Kristie Overstreet, a psychotherapist and clinical psychologist.
Black kissing can involve tongue penetration of the anus, licking it by circling around the area, or licking and kissing the rest of the butt. The anal opening is packed with nerve endings, so when you lick or kiss the area, the pleasure that can be felt is immense.
Although black kissing has traditionally been considered a marginal sexual act, destined only to a few, the references to it in successful series such as Girls by Lena Dunham or in the song Anaconda by Nicki Minaj, have made many more people curious to try it and it has become a trend. In fact, in a 2008 study of a group of men, 24% admitted that they had practiced anilingus on their partners, while 15% said that their partners had practiced it on them.
Are you curious too? Here’s what you need to know about black kissing and how to do it (or receive it) correctly.
Black kissing, is it safe?
That’s one of the first questions many beginners ask themselves. And it makes sense: we’re talking about the place we defecate through, so the question is not at all inconvenient.
“The truth is, there’s nothing unhygienic or gross about the edges of the anus, as long as you make sure you and/or your partner wash down there properly. Good hygiene is essential,” Overstreet explains. If hygiene is inadequate, there is a risk of coming into contact with bacteria such as E. coli, salmonella, C. difficile, or other microorganisms that can be found in fecal matter.
While it is highly unlikely that even a small amount of these bacteria will cause any real harm, you should be sure to clean yourself thoroughly back there with soap and water before making any anus-mouth contact. Alicia Sinclair, clinical sexologist and CEO of sex toy company b-Vibe, also explains to MensHealth.com that it’s best for you (and/or your partner) to evacuate about an hour before an anilingus.
And no, despite popular belief, you don’t need an enema to prep the anus for such things. “Soap and water would suffice. An enema is usually done for a game where you go a little deeper,” Sinclair tells us. However, “if you think you’re going to feel more comfortable that way, it doesn’t hurt.”
5 tricks to practice a good black kiss
Ask for permission
First things first, let’s set the record straight: before you stick your tongue or mouth in your partner’s anus, you need to ask permission. “Make sure both you and your partner are ready to give it a try. Having trust with her and telling her what you like and don’t like makes it a different experience,” Overstreet assures.
If you go down without asking her beforehand if it’s OK with her, it won’t be fun for either of you. “It can be traumatic. Surprise or discomfort also causes anal muscles to contract, which translates into less pleasure for all parties involved,” warns Sinclair.
“Once your partner has given you the go-ahead (or you’ve given her the go-ahead), you can incorporate it into your regular sex session. If you’re the one on the receiving end, you can ask her to stimulate your anal area while she’s giving you oral sex (or masturbating),” suggests Overstreet.
Do some solo training beforehand
Sinclair suggests that you stimulate your anus to get used to the sensation beforehand. It’s important to find out what you might like. You can do this with your fingers or a small anal toy. Be sure to use plenty of lubricants.
Start gently and work your way up in intensity.
At this point, you may be wondering: Well, now that I’m down here, where do I start licking him? “Start by trying to reassure your partner,” Sinclair says. “Give him a little massage around the butt, slowly working your way toward the anus with gentle strokes,” she points out. That will help you relax.
Perfect your moves (here are some ideas).
Sinclair says one of the best anilingus techniques involves swirling the tip of your tongue in a circle around the opening. You can also use the tip of your tongue to flick up and down just above the opening. Another tip? Try moving your tongue gently and licking the entire anus, as if you were eating an ice cream cone.
Don’t stop communicating
Again, communicate with your partner to let her know what you like and don’t like, and listen to her. “When the receiver gets more aroused, or if there’s a movement that you really like, you may notice that the anus relaxes and dilates a little bit,” says Overstreet. That’s a good sign. It means the body is responding positively to the pleasure.
If you’re receiving, give feedback on what you’re feeling. Overstreet also points out that it’s important to focus on getting pleasure and try to relax as much as possible.
If it sounds like fun, go ahead and experiment with an open mind. Try black kissing while lying on your back or using the facesitting technique (the giver lying on his back, the receiver sitting on his face). Don’t be afraid to explore new territory. The benefits of having sex are numerous, and it’s fun too, so it never hurts to get a little creative. So where’s the problem?